Saturday, April 17, 2010

When you least expect it, life can send you spinning like too many shots of Tequila

Don't get the wrong impression, I seldom drink hard alcohol....  just  this one time, too many margaritas, I was trying to keep up with my best friend Shayne, big mistake, in a heartbeat I was laying in my front yard with the killer tequilla death spins.... never again.  I can feel the woosyness just remebering it now and it was years ago.
 Back to my point, two weeks ago I was sent spinning....
here's the story,
Last month, at the Mermaid's Mercantile, I walked up behind three good friends deep in the middle of a heavy conversation, they were all crying.... I heard the words 'adoption', 'long lost daughter,' 'happy reunion...' that is all I needed to hear, I did not want to hear any more,  as these kinds of stories hit a sore spot.
 I was having a great day and did not want to 'go there'. My friends didn't even notice that I had walked up behind them so I quickly walked away unnoticed. I might as well have covered my ears with my hands and said, 'la la la la la....'
Later at dinner, I was enjoying my tacos just unwinding from a very busy day, and the 'adoption' story comes up  in conversation....again.... this time I couldn't escape it.
My friends were recounting  the story in detail about a friend who had found the daughter she had not seen since birth through Facebook. In my head I'm am thinking ... thats great for them, I am happy that they found each other, I was tired of trying to find my own lost parent and did not want to be disapointed again. I had long given up and accepted it. So I listened with a smile nodding and hoping the subject would change to something else. (but there was this voice in my head that said, 'well... you have never tried facebook.')  I thought maybe I'll try it someday, but not now.
The next day, I get a phone call from Lisa Loria she says, " did you see the youtube video of our friend and her daughter reuniting? They look exactly alike... I cried my head off....! " No, I reply, I didn't see it. "well I'll forward it to you right now, Lisa says"..... thats ok... I was thinking but it was already waiting for me, in my in-box.
I almost deleted the 'mother and child reuion video', but curiosity got to me, I played the tear jerker on my way out the door and cried, brushing tears away, late for work I resolved to give one more shot at looking for the father that I had never met or had even seen a picture of.
I said to myself as I logged in to Facebook, I am giving this 5 minutes of my time, thats it, and I am certainly NOT going to get my hopes up.
So I punched in his name and one person without a photo came up in the database, then I found a bunch of other people who looked like they could possibly be related to me. I picked three names, willy-nilly sent them all the same very brief email. "have you heard of this man? I am looking for my Father? If you are him, or know of him please email me."
Then I made the mistake of telling a few people that I had sent out these emails on facebook, after that I recieved daily phone calls, 'well have you heard anything back?' No, nothing, I reply, I don't really expect to hear anything.
Three days of this and my phone rings again, it's my Mom asking me, "have you heard anything?" No Mom, I say, as I open my email... Hello Deborah......  you have a message on facebook. I open the message and the guy with the silhouettte profile icon says,' maybe'  he is my Dad....
I tell my mom who is still on the phone with me and she tells me to ask him a series of questions that will confirm that he is my father and not some imposter who is just playing games.
Well his answers were funny and sarcastic and I couldn't help but think that he reminded me of someone, his answers we also accurate and the person he reminded me of was myself.
It was very difficult to take it all in...  I had found this person who had been missing from my life for 44 years.
Not just HIM but a family of Sisters, nephews cousins, aunts, uncles even a grandmother!  If you have ever done yoga,  it felt like this was some kind yoga for my brain... couldn't wrap my head around it, and  it took as least a week to feel like my regular self. I take that back... I will never be the same again, this I know for sure.
Last Thursday I met my big sister Janina and Ian my nephew for the first time! My sister is like me in many ways, there are many similarities, it is wierd, but fun and wonderful and she has promised to teach me how to cook! You can meet Janina here on her blog, my sister is a great writer with a wicked sense of humor.... hmmmm. Finally someone who doesn't roll their eyes at me.
My nephew Ian could not be more handsome adorable and bright. I am so happy to be his aunt!
 Next month I will be meeting the rest of my family. or 'mi familia'
After this emotional head spin, all I can say is that I feel blessed. Life is far from perfect and situations are never ideal, we hurt each other, we make mistakes... I am a so called 'mistake' but I am happy to be here, happy to have a new sister, and when I finally get to see the face that I have only imagined for 44 years, I will be happy and grateful for what 'is' and not let, what could have been's, rob me of the present moment.
thanks for reading,
thank you Facebook,
thank you God.


  1. Ian and I are thrilled to have you in our lives Debi. But I do want to clear up two things.

    A) That is a HIDEOUS picture of me!

    B) You were NOT a mistake. I'll even go so far as to say you were planned. Your mom had just planned to have you later than she actually did! ;-)

  2. Debi
    Thank You so much for sharing your wonderful story. How great it is to hear how it all unfolded. A true Blessing and "Miracle".
    God was guiding you all the way.

  3. God works in mysterious ways Deb......
    You are exactly where he wants you to be.
    I love you,

  4. You are never a mistake, just earlier than expected. Happy this worked out for you, everything happens when it is supposed to. What a great addition to your life. Run with it, with arms wide open! Have a great day, Tricia

  5. WE are Happy Mistakes...LOL.
    I Love you, am beyond happy for you and thank the Heavens for you and the wonderful world of friendships that have opened since we met.
    Can't wait to see you this weekend and meet Janina!
    Your Soul Sister

  6. How wonderful! I came across your blog while surfing,and found it thru the Mermaids Mercantile blog.

    Congrats on finding your family. As a birth mother who was reunited with her daughter in Sept, I know all the emotions you are going thru now.

    Let me 3rd what your friends wrote=you are not and have never been a "mistake". Someone loved you enough to bring you into the world and give you the best possible chance at life. And while it couldn't be with her, your mother made sure you had better than she could provide for you at that time.

    If you would like to talk more about adoption reunion (they CAN be up and down!) or the Birthmother point of view please feel free to email me directly barbe AT barbesaintjohn DOT com

    Have a wonderful time meeting your family!


  7. Wow! That must be a wonderful experience for you. I remember speaking with you in high school and somehow we were on the subject of family, and I noticed just a certain angst on your face. Communication is 70% body language and the rest verbal, I noticed it, but never knew why. I never knew then your plight, however I am very happy for you in filling a hole that was in your heart.

  8. What an AMAZING story!!!! I loved it that you followed that gutttttt instinct & look what you got. A sister! WONDERFUL! And you are not the mistake... The mistake was your parents, timing, relationship, decissions... whatever BUT, NOT YOU! And innocent sweet child is never the mistake. I'm glad your Dad had what it took to answer you & put this "what if" to rest for you. Seize the moments that make your life YOURS! Charlene

  9. Debi,
    Oh my goodness sweetie!!!! This is INCREDIBLE news!!! WOW, you and I are both finding our birth fathers at the SAME time! You too have a large family to reunite with. AMAZING!!! I know you can relate to the emotional void of not knowing your father all these years.
    Im so so happy for you. I hold nothing against my father. I want a clean slate and just get to know him today for who he is. Faults and no faults. ;)
    Please keep in touch and let me know how your reunion goes.
    Im flying out this coming Wen, and I am SO excited and nervous too!
    Good luck to you!!! Hopefully I will see you next time Im in CA for one of Kim's events. :)
    Hugs! XO